It’s the Recession, Stupid: Introducing The New Rules of Recession Etiquette.

1.    The Basics:  Greetings.

Now more than ever, the appropriate greeting when you run into a friend at Costco is ‘How do you do?’ rather than ‘What do you do?’ or even ‘Wassup?’ which might imply that something actually IS up, which in the world of the unemployed is seldom true.  

2.    Bling’s Not The Thing: Conspicuous consumption is the new taboo.

Buying our way out of this mess is not going to work this time. Even if retail therapy does give you — and some industries — a bit of a lift, what’s required today is new perspective on what it means to be a consumer. Whatever you do, don’t chatter about your trip to Pebble Beach to that contractor-without-a-contract friend.  And if you’re a global giant or a small business, remember: it’s all about showing some sympathy — and offering a good deal.  Springwise calls it sympvertising.  

Now is not the time to invite your under-employed buddies over to watch a Keynote of your trip on Elon Musk’s spaceship or see your new 6,000 square foot eco-addition with the sustainable bamboo floors you personally harvested during your babymoon trip to Vietnam. Now is the time to share leftover coupons and sign up for Freecycle.

So your best pals always throw an annual Rose Bowl Party, complete with buckets of rose-petaled Perrier Jouet and hand rolled eel.  Maybe this year you should suggest a new tradition — the Pot Luck Supper.

5.  At least 50% are faking it.  And I don’t mean the Harry met Sally kind.  (That number is higher)

The social media mania, already at hysteria level, is bound to intensify, partially because it’s largely FREE and partially because, in the right hands, it works. But those making the most noise are not necessarily the ones that should be.  If you’re that (too rare) company looking for an employee or consultant, put on your waders before you venture into the teeming talent pool to find the right hire.  Make sure that expert really has tangible skills beyond personal branding. There’s a lot of bogus out there.  It’s not merely good etiquette to vette your candidates, it’s a really great idea.

 6.  Don’t just friend request.  Be a real friend.

Remember real friends?  Real friends don’t have to be face to face; they can be virtual but in either case, they both act the same way.  They’re sensitive to the silences (Friday is layoff day?), they’re sensitive to canceled lunch and drink plans (your friend may not want to spend $20 for an pile of arugula); they’re sensitive to e-moods (”I emailed you 5 hours ago. Why haven’t you answered?”) and they’re sensitive to quickly accepting Facebook, Linkedin, Plaxo, etc. requests and posting comments on blogs.  If a friend suddenly wants to build a network, figure out what a tweet is, or asks about SEO, offer to help or steer him to an expert.  She may know she’s about to be out on the street but is not wanting to spill it to the world quite yet.

 7.   The Golden Rule Still Rules.

Yep, that good old do unto others as they would do unto you stuff still rocks.  Remember also another great saying:  You see the same people on the way down as you did on the way up.  There are lots of corporate rockstars who played it political to get a Director’s title.  They may be surprised by how many of their emails don’t get answered after the purge. 

So we got screwed. Now we need to help each other get through this. Etiquette, according to expert Emily Post, is essentially tied to a “fundamental code of honor, without strict observance of which no one, no matter how “polished,” can be considered a gentleman or lady.”  Or in the immortal words of The Killers:  “Are we human?”