Are You An E-Hole? The Six Tell-tale Signs.

Normally, when I’ve told friends “Hey! I’m writing a book”, the response is polite to vague to “I’m so sorry. I’ve given up reading for Lent.” In LA, they’re likely to suggest a fair exchange: I’ll read your book if you read my screenplay.  In Silicon Valley, they look blank until you explain that a book is kinda like a giant Wordle app or literary widget.  In New York, they immediately kvetch about agents while in Paris they offer to read it once smoking is reinstated in cafes.

But this book?  Amazingly, people have not only urged me to write it but to write it laser-fast. Three of my Twitter pals have already asked if the guide will be published in time for Christmas stocking stuffers. I’ve almost been persuaded to write an e-book first and then follow up with hard copy.

Is this because I am such a crackerjack writer? Although I’d love to say yes, the true answer is ‘probably not.’  The fact is, there is a clear and compelling, even urgent, need to make sense of the good, the bad and the blurry of the digital era, particularly the consumer-friendly, tool-rich phenomenon known as Web 2.0.  The Internet does genuinely ‘change everything’ — including the ethics and etiquette of how we use these tools. Countless books have already been published on this subject, many of them scholarly works of genius from academics that probe everything from user-generated content to mass collaboration to digital innovation and citizen marketing.  

If you’re looking for books of this decidedly brainy ilk, click to close and move on to Amazon or your local library. The goal of my upcoming guidebook is quite simple: to help keep you out of online doo-doo and encourage you to dip into this dynamic digital world. And maybe have some fun while you’re at it.
 
Here’s a small sampling from my new book:
How Not To Be An E-Hole:  The Ultimate Guide to Online Etiquette and Ethics.
 

Are You An E-Hole? The Six Tell-Tale Signs.

Sign 1:  Is Social Media all about you?  Social Media can indeed be Me Media.  Today’s tools make it fast and easy to get the word out about your inherent rockstar-ness. Isn’t everybody fascinated by the ham sandwich you had for lunch? Doesn’t the world want to know about your cool car, your hot bod and the gaggles of groupies hanging on your every tweet?  Smart folks see that switching from Me to We is the secret to shining at Social Media.  And yes, it is possible to be an E-Hole in only 140-characters:  http://tweetingtoohard.com/

Sign 2:  OverSharing  Over-sharing can occur on any of the Social Media channels. Over-Sharing is defined as sharing anything from the too-intimate details of your world (tweeting during your during your prostate exam) to the too-mundane (I had scrambled eggs for breakfast) to the too-frequent.

Sign 3:  Are you a FRAMMER?  Friends just ain’t what they used to be. In fact, my buddy Elizabeth Cohen, Senior Correspondent at CNN, who covered my recent Facebook Addiction story, believes the very definition of Friendship is at stake: “What exactly is a friend these days?”  Well, it sure isn’t FRAMMING them. Friend Spam is being spammed by your so-called Facebook Friends including:

• A barrage of shameless self-promoting links, events, fan pages, webinars, promos, etc.
• “Cherry-picking” among a Friends List — picking the most ‘useful’ for marketing and networking.

FRAM hurts more than traditional spam because, after all, it’s the ultimate in permission marketing. You haven’t merely signed up for an impersonal newsletter, you’ve opened the door wide to your life. You’re not an address on some database sold and re-sold by dead dotcoms. You’ve willingly extended an invitation to participate in your own personal universe.

Sign 4:  Uber-Exuberance   Apps, widgets, links, videos, photos — it’s a smorgasbord of Social Media tech and toys out there. Are you so sure all your friends want that ‘growing gift’ of cactus, that beer or cup of coffee you’re dying to send? Does everybody want to take that quiz, play 25 Random Things and beat you at movie trivia?  The sure sign of a Social Media newbie (and often Accidental E-Hole) is assuming everybody will appreciate these occasionally amusing time-wasters.

Sign 5: Where are the Privacy Police when you need them?  It’s true: Facebook keeps changing its interface, which confuses the heck out of who can see what. What was private on Tuesday may be part of a News Feed on Wednesday. So if you’re not careful about the changing-rules, your mother-in-law may be able to see the pictures of the dinner party she wasn’t invited to posted prominently in Highlights.  Or your boss might see that comment you made about ‘blowing off work’. Or your sorority sister might post racy stories about an era you’d prefer to forget on your Wall for all to see.  The secret to avoiding E-Holism?  Use the Privacy settings!

Sign 6: Keep It Social, Stupid.   Keeping it social means you never forget these new tools are all about people and being personal. Keeping it social means you avoid using robots as well as acting robotically. So personalize your Friend, Follow and Connection Requests, say no to Auto-DMs on Twitter, and develop new online relationships authentically. Don’t think you can FRAM like mad, never bother to check the youtube links your buddy proudly sent of her kidlet’s concert, and then expect favors, shares and RTs (Re-Tweets on Twitter).  Keeping it social is keeping it reciprocal. Friendship is a two-way conversation, not a Me-megaphone. 

Guru’s Note: Please send me your favorite E-Hole stories. Were you an Accidental E-Hole? Do you know an Intentional E-Hole? Do tell all. Email me at: hello@guruofnew.com or post a comment. Thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are You Getting Frammed? Spammed by your Facebook Friends?

Too many people are getting FRAMMED these days.

FRAMMING is being spammed by your so-called Facebook Friends including:

Shameless self-promoting links, events, fan pages, webinar promos, etc.

“Cherry-picking” among your Friends List — picking the most ‘useful’ for marketing & networking

App-spam –your Friend sends you something (coffee, flower, goat) but when you accept, you give the app permission to access your Profile info.   (You have a choice here - don’t accept.)

Fram  hurts more than traditional spam because, after all, it’s the ultimate in permission marketing. You haven’t merely signed up for an impersonal newsletter, you’ve opened the door wide to your life. You’re not an address on some database sold and re-sold by dead dotcoms. You’ve willingly extended an invitation to participate in your own personal universe.

Yesterday I received an avalanche of plaintive emails from friends concerned about how to handle Fram, especially how to keep the shameless promoters at bay. Major peeve: How do I keep a supposed friend from cherry-picking through my Friends list, friending the juiciest ones and then barraging them with annoyingly transparent self-promotion?

Of course we could all be wiser about whom we confirm as our friends. But what tends to happen is we fall for the ‘Friends in Common’ ploy. If Victoria is friends with my friend Jen, then she must be okay, right?

These days, even the most solid of your friends may be drinking the Social Media Koolaid. Social Media been promoted as the solution to whatever ails you, baby. This means that even your smartest friends may jump on board and go a little loco, particularly if they’re worried about job security or finding new gigs. In the midst of fear, when everything you read says: You must be on Facebook or else! it’s hardly surprising when people overreact.

One pal of mine felt terribly guilty for letting a shameless promoter loose among her real friends. Another had a spring-cleaning day, de-friending those who weren’t friends in the first place. With the explosive growth of Facebook and Twitter, nearly everybody is re-considering how and why they want to use the powerful social media tools out there. We should all be thinking about how to use social networking honorably and ethically.

Given the creeping FRAM, it might be time to devise your own Social Media Policy. Consider:

How comfortable are you mixing your personal life with your business life? How will your clients, colleagues or boss react to your political posts, 25 Random Things list and party tags?

Should your Facebook profile be for only real friends, that is, people you would recognize in the check-out line at Safeway? (Sure, they can behave badly too, but at least you can track ‘em down!

Should you blend your virtual buddies with your f2f?

Should you set up a page just for your business; a business-only zone?

These questions are the proverbial tip-of-the-iceberg, meant only to provoke us all to think about our goals and intentions for using social media.  Naturally, it’s much easier to come up with a plan if you’re new to Facebook. If you’re already active, the fixes for FRAM may be trickier. Keep reading for some very useful tips.

Undoubtedly someone will leap up and offer a FRAM workshop/webinar/training for the special network price of $$ within five minutes of my posting this.     ::sigh::

In the meantime, here is an excellent and hugely useful article:  10 Privacy Settings Every Facebook User Should Know written by Nick O’Neill and posted on AllFacebook.com.

What do you think? Are you getting Frammed, too?

Guru’s Note: I am obviously a major fan of Social Media. Gulping Koolaid, that’s me. But my reasons for loving it are based on the nitty-gritty of having experimented and discovered the good, bad and the ugly of it all. For me, it’s been almost all good. But there are moments …